Everyone has a bad day every so often, right?  Today is one of mine so I thought I would share to help gain objectivity to my situation, process it, and perhaps find a nugget worth sharing.  I think it starts with expectations.  Inside we all reason with ourselves that when we do “this”, someone else will do “that”.  But when they don’t react as we wish or worse yet don’t even notice the sting is pretty sharp.  We have an expectation that doing something selfless for another should come with a reward.  We expect our insurance to work to our benefit for the premiums we pay.  We expect businesses to hold up their end of the bargain.  We expect that when all our labs look great, we should feel better. We expect our families to support us when we need a shoulder.    In general we probably all expect a lot and it sets us up for disappointment when it doesn’t happen.

To be fair, other people have expectations of us as well and we may let them down.   Sometimes those expectations blur into feeling taking for granted.   We can feel obligated to achieve a certain standard so others feel better and it can add unnecessary pressure.  What kid doesn’t want perfect parents so they feel safe and well cared for.  What parent doesn’t want perfect kids so they feel like they are doing a good job and not damaging what they love most in the upbringing?   What spouse doesn’t want a perfect mate that always knows what they need?  What loved one of a diabetic, doesn’t want perfect blood sugars so they don’t have to worry about their sibling/child/spouse/friend?   We can expect perfection as well as try to be perfect and both land us in “unhappyville.”  Perfection is an illusion.

I am learning that boundaries are your best bet of managing expectations.  You have to figure out how far you are willing to go, to be, to do or to tolerate.  And then stick to it unapologetically and make sure you are taking healthy care of you.  If you can communicate these to the people around you, they at least have a shot at landing in the ballpark of your expectations.  So to the provider who has been billing me for a incentive bonus she was to receive from the insurance company 2 years ago (when I was no longer her patient), my attorney will be in touch.  Boundary.  To the florist who advertises a beautiful arrangement online, but calls to say they don’t have any of those flowers.  Order cancelled.  Boundary.  To my kids who can’t seem to hear my voice when a device is within 10 feet of their hands, its a beautiful day – go outside. Boundary.  To my hubby who didn’t notice my efforts yesterday, I need a bubble bath and some space.  Boundary.

My promise is to try and set those boundaries sooner.  Thanks for listening.  Rant over.