Journal August 1990 – September 1991

I was literally stunned to find this book.  My journal dated August 1990 -September 1991, the year of my diagnosis!  My handwriting, my voice talking to me through the years and reminding  me of a time so long ago, but so vivid in my memory.  As I read it, I remember the pain, the fear, and several hard days.  Emotionally trying days.  But I also am amazed at what I did!  Working nights in the ER, buying a house, dating, having fun with friends, living life and oh yeah, dealing with diabetes as a single young woman.     I think this page is telling.

My first shot of insulin sandwiched in between sleeping late, grocery run, stop at the credit union, phone calls, several naps, laundry and bills!  I spite of the death of my pancreas, I still had a life!  What it doesn’t say is that I took me over 30 minutes to muster the courage, that I sat alone on my kitchen floor, hands shaking, holding a syringe 2 inches from my abdomen, tears streaming down my face, willing my hand to do what part of my mind knew I should, but another part wouldn’t allow.  Three little words on a Friday in 1991 “Started on insulin”.  I’m still at it almost 27 years later and to be honest, I still have to will my hand to do what my mind doesn’t want it to do, but no tears now.   And I still have a life –  diabetes and all!

10 years later

My other find was a VHS tape.  Before marriage and the kids, I did a LOT of volunteer work for the American Diabetes Association.  So when Discovery Health called them to do an infomercial on diabetes, my name came up as someone who had a positive outlook and was successfully managing their diabetes.  I was thrilled to be able to share my perspective on how taking responsibility and owning your situation is the key to improved outcomes and happy life with a chronic illness.

Here is the video that played in pharmacies and Wal-Marts across the US.  Enjoy – no jokes about dated hair styles or clothing!!   Much has changed since then.  My dog Riley is no longer with us, new house, married, kids and new career.  But my passion and belief that your mindset is the key to successful long-term diabetes success has not.  That seed was planted somewhere in the pages of that journal, it sprouted over the years as I struggled and learned, it began to blossom in that video and today, my garden is in full bloom!

It is curious to me how much has changed, but how so much has not.  Pieces of a puzzle falling into place, that only make sense in the rear view mirror. Our paths are on purpose.  Our pasts lead us to our present which paves the way to our dreams and our futures.

Peace,

Patricia